I Miss..., but...

Now that the kids are old enough to get things done on their own, I find myself with more time to think about different things in between the chaotic wave we call our life. Many times, when I can't easily fall asleep, I reminisce and hope. Here's some of the things I miss but with its accompanying caveats. (Gotta love being alive!)

I miss seeing my children as babies and toddlers still very much dependent on me with voices so cute, I feel like I can fly from sheer giddiness, but... I don't miss the stinky diapers, toilet training and weaning- all three bit me!

I miss being only an hour from the beach, playing in the sand, hoping to see what's beyond the unseen while listening to the screams of the other "sun" patrons, but... I never liked the time when I got knocked down by the wave that collapsed the sand underneath me! Good thing I managed to grab on to my friend's leg! Scary!

I miss being able to come back to my studio, all alone with the quiet and sense of pride that I'm in my own place, but... I don't miss the times that my cousin and her bf (dh now) trashed it while I was away for Christmas!

I miss walking from one place to another and riding the city bus, but... I never liked the uneasy feeling of others' looking at you. Creepy!!

I miss being able to climb trees and eating the juicy, sweet ripe fruits, but... I don't miss the fact that my sense of adventure was driven by my fierce hunger!

I miss going out to lunch with co-workers, but... not the part where I gained weight after only a few weeks! Chinese food and after 10PM, not a good combo!

I miss walking to school until I get to the bus stop, but... I never wanted the windy days that threatened to whisk my thin frame away!

I miss the dating game, being showered with attention and silly tokens, but... not the heartache, confusion and uncertainty!

I miss my wedding day, pledging my eternal commitment to one and dancing as man and wife, but... not being hungry throughout the whole reception because I was told to stay under the canopy! And no one asking me if I needed anything until I ran crying into the kitchen looking for food!

And of course...

I miss a clean house with open windows making the drapes whistle with the wind (I don't have any drapes here); the kind we had in San Jose, California before our second child was born, but... not the emptiness I felt while praying for more siblings for Lisa!

Maybe someday, I can "redo" all these experiences. I know that I don't have to start over to start over!

Whose Blog Is this anyway?

I really should stop looking and get tempted to click on the recently updated blogs feed at the top of my dashboard, because though normally I am not easily offended, I am very much an advocate of fairness. And some blogs, I just don't care for! Whose blog is this anyway?

Wow, I mean even in the blogging world where your soul can easily be exposed and dissected, people can't help but show their true colors and allow these slow degradation of morals to occur as if these are just another pesky fly they can choose to ignore until it flies away. Do they think that just because others talk like them and feel like them, it is validating? NO! Let me reiterate that, NO!!

I guess sometimes, when one is justifiably emotionally involved about a topic, it is very easy to incite thoughtless, rude responses without much prompting, but isn't that why we're supposed to have private, pour-your-heart out journals or have that bff that can listen about anything? Honestly people, some things should just be kept private, sacred and between those involved, like Heavenly Father, or a long lost relative perhaps?

Lately, I guess since this is a New Year, some falsely see their blogs superior over others or should I state the obvious negative mirror of these "lookie-loos" who has nothing better to do than see how many people relate to them or would maybe, just maybe side with them?

My most infuriating finds: blogs that bag on others' enthusiasm, posts that flourish their sentences with toe-curling words that most likely their mothers would slap them for or what about those blogs that think inappropriate pictures are artistic rather than the truth-mild porno, but porno nonetheless! Blogs are personal; they are intimate to the authors that decided to create them. So what if their posts are sickeningly sweet or lacking in rhythm and panache? So what? I personally think that they are the most honest in this "write but hide" world of blogging. These so called sweet but boring posts are awe-inspiring, they are able to put into words what they wish to be. They are the ones that are fully aware that we are not perfect, so they choose to pour out their heart because they know how to write down what could be, rather than what was and what just happened without much reflection on any possible change! I'm all for free speech, but not at the expense of other people!

I love my friends' blogs; they are able to confine their posts to comprehensible labels that define their emotions for that moment, but those who go out of their way to flourish, bag, reach for the border of no-return moral degradation, boo on you!

You claim you believe in God through your choices of "add ons" and yet, the draw of more confused and just as uninformed audience, goad you to compose ridiculous, hurtful and immoral topics! Mind your own business! Through your mocking missives, you mock God and nullify any real sense of faith you have in HIM since others that have now convinced you, and you've convinced, through your moment of stupidity, lead to that!

If you ever visit a blog, next time, be kind and respectful of those that you see next, because, "hello!" we are all unique, and that includes our brain wiring and perceptions in life!

I believe that when something is not to be done, you work hard at changing, avoiding it; without the expense of others' reflection of their own failings. And hello, bad things do happen to other people and yes, they are allowed to announce that to whoever wants to listen, just like what you are so desperately trying to maintain. Thoughtful people do not slice through others' imagination, thoughtful people quietly cheer everyone around them, because change for the better is gaining momentum!

Did you ever think of that? You, you ridiculous, superficial, artificial, unbelievably vain bloggers!

Here's to New Beginnings...

Hello everyone, or someone who may be free enough to be following this blog. (You or all of you make my heart puff up with joy, just knowing you even read this blog, lol!)

The last part of 2008, I focused a lot on my family blog, but I was thinking, if I'm going to add three more blogs to this one, I should be able to maintain this one just fine, right? Right!

So, here's to new beginnings and new goals. My goal is to be able to have more of my thoughts and reflections on what makes my heart sing, my eyes to widen, my breath to catch in my throat and my brain to keep firing. It's the best resolution I can start with, to be more proactive in recording how I see the world. And to any naysayers out there, "to each his own!" These are my own personal logs and I'm entitled to them. I don't have to use any distracting or scandalous adjectives or verbs to gain an audience, I have a fat account in my lexicon bank and I am not afraid to use them to get my point across!

Just to review: I...
- don't cuss (anymore since the early 90s)
- think cussing is disgusting (I can't believe I did back then)
- am all about my children (love, love them!)
- do not offend easily (only 3 things actually)
- love my life now
- love the color purple (on anything, but cars!)
- have a great, wonderful, awesome husband (too much billing?)
- few, but unbelievably awesome friends
- am a Latter-day Saint
- am not afraid to tell people what I think
- love doing tablescapes
- love finding good in everything and everyone
- love the Philippine culture and its people
- love living simply, and simply living (with practical limitations)

Now that's out of the way, it's up to you if you still want to follow this blog, if you do, I thank you, if you don't, no skin off my back!

Having just ranted all that, I'll see you next post!

My life now... my then dream "secret candy"!